Time is a Mother
This post first appeared on Instagram:
The funny thing about The Work is you can only spend so much time on the purview of things until practice and integration are required.
I find the most gratitude and pleasure in the process; meeting “life’s moments” with self-awareness, self-compassion, and most of all self-love.
And life sure does have its moments. Moments that bring immense gratitude and grief. Moments of deep reckoning and rumbling. Moments of triumph and loss.
I committed the last three years to an all-out rescue mission of Self, pulling away from all that wasn’t grounded in truth or kindness for me and allowing myself to move into what feels good and right.
And, at long last, I feel like all of that self-preservation has led to a little something. A little more calm. A little more clarity. And a whole lot more certainty and peace.
I have a lot more thoughts and a lot more I want to share. And, I’m looking forward to doing so, eventually. But, for now, here’s a photo dump with zero additional context.
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Thirty-One
I’m thirty-one, today.
This year, in many ways, felt like finally catching my breath. There is no mistaking it: twenty-twenty dealt the world an unprecedented hand and there were many uncertain, often times scary moments.
True color moments.
Moments of pandemic, chaos, and poor leadership. Moments of shock, shame, and sadness. Moments of loss, heartbreak, and plenty of resource scarcity.
But there were positive, brighter moments too.
Moments of support and togetherness. Moments of compassion and understanding. Moments of listening, consolation, and slow (very slow) yet steady reform.
These true color moments are moments of awakening, growth, and change.
True color accentuate our priorities, principals, and purpose—making them clearer than ever. It’s here, in the thick of it, that we’re shaken, disrupted, and even grounded in ways nothing else ever possibly could. And, if you’re a good and decent person: you put on your shit kickers; get down in the dirt; open your heart and mind to the concept and possibilities for change; and get about doing the good work
I’m proud of The Work we’ve done throughout the studio this year – pivoting and prioritizing our support for small businesses in the wake of pandemic and donating more than 200 hours to well-deserving for- and non-profit endeavors. We saw exponential growth in new- and recurring clients, completed more projects, and signed more new Associates this year than ever before. We expanded our reach into real estate, pharma, and clinical health and tightened our grip across tech, lifestyle, and, of course, cannabis and holistic wellness.
But, arguably, the best work I’ve done all year has been the work I’ve done on myself:
I started this year on a springboard, with the intention to take longer, deeper strides to protect myself and safeguard the light that burns within. And, I promised myself to walk decisively on that journey. And I did.
The side effect of social distance, hindsight, made way for awesome personal discovery while economic uncertainty served as an anchor for what’s important. I, like many people, found gateway to free myself from erroneous commitments and make more space for what truly serves me.
I greeted and explored my issues with abandonment and co-dependency. Opening my eyes to the effects each has had on my personal life (and career!) over the years. And, naturally, gave myself the space and grace to begin the healing journey of furthering my understanding and coping with each.
Truth be told, I’m usually more excited for the professional projects and opportunities that await me moving into a new year. Truth be told, during these “last few weeks,” I hardly ever set a resolute intention on Self; thinking that, if I can just keep the lives around me afloat, clients and family and friends, my life will stay afloat as well. But, *real* truth be told, for the first time (ever), I see that is neither true or in proper service of anyone—let alone sustainable.
I am excited to be moving into 2021 supported by the experiences, opportunities, progress, and connections that this year has brought me. I have never felt so supported. Or, free. And, empowered by that freedom, I am hungry to continue my journeys of healing, building my home, fostering positive and supportive relationships, community, and, of course, entrepreneurial pursuit.
Still, there is a way to go, individually and together, in accepting, understanding, and navigating all of this and all that exists in our truly unimaginable new normal.
On Coronavirus
I miss the mundane freedoms a lot. I miss casually running errands and stretching a revolving door of meetings across a few hours in a cafe. I miss a casual text-message “hello” leading to impromptu nighttime gatherings and memorable moments. I miss crowded river trails and the bustling city center. I miss the increasing hum from people occupying the squares as you approach, Rittenhouse and Washington West. I miss people watching. (A lot.)
The ebbs and flows of this pandemic have transcended anything else I’ve ever experienced, or even dreamed of experiencing. (I know, I’m too young to have the scope of “some people” and too isolated to have a real right to complain but…) When was the last time everyone was called on to act in a matter of “life and death?” When was the last time the best “action” the public could take was no action at all? And, will there ever be a time when humans crack the code? When will we learn how to properly relay information with the utmost integrity, accuracy, and have it received with the right impact at the right time? Maybe never.
Never before has there been such palpable sense, saturated and heavy, that we’re in this for “the long haul.” And, yet, never before have I felt such a palpable sense, warm and calming, that we’re all (consciously) in this together.
There are a lot of (metaphorical) stones that we could throw at a lot of people, every day. There’s a lot to be disappointed about. There’s a lot of frustration to air. There’s a lot of ignorance that warrants proper, wide-spread enlightenment. There’s a lot of uncertainty to unpack and certainly a lot to be scared about. But, these are fingers we need to point once the pieces are picked up; once the proper information is collected, analyzed, and applied to a cure; when we’re in sight of a clearer vision; when we’re in a different time.
The time we’re in now is a very special one. Yes. Even in the disorienting and suppressing dust and through all of the transformations across commerce and healthcare, travel, technology, and everything in between, we need to hold space and have respect for The Process. A Process that will most definitely yield uncommon and totally unexpected results, even for today. This will likely be a process that’ll deliver equivocal advances in health care, communication, commerce, technology, and government as much as it compromises our personal comforts, mundane freedoms, worldwide economy, and, yes, most importantly, many (many) human lives.
The Process, I think we’ll all come to see, will not bring with it the casual learning style we’ve grown used to. This will be the last time the majority of the world’s population assumes that anyone has anything “handled” without proof or results. This process has awakened us on an unprecedented level with a shock to the global systems and infrastructures in which we rest the safety and security of our lives, casually and unquestionably – might I add. This process has brought with it cause for serious contemplation on the purposes and powers to which we accept and deem to be necessary, “essential,” and even lawful – as a civilization.
I think we’re lo(oo)ng overdue for the shock that ice-cold-anything, be it water or reality, brings with it. I think every new round of headlines needs to be followed by a daily reminder that the dust will eventually dissipate and settle, exactly when and where it’s meant to. I think, if it’s any comfort, the transformation we’re seeing is The Universe identifying a recurring void and deciding to fill it, itself, with a sweeping, mass (eventually positive) change. I think this is meant to be a healing and growing experience, on the larger scale. I think it’s our responsibility to find and claim our space and role, within ourselves and society; to identify our interests and passions and apply them towards tackling the immediate and most-pressing issues, one-by-one. I don’t think I’ve ever felt, as sensitive as I am, a better time to lean into our innate human connection; to call on topics like fear and uncertainty, loneliness, lack-of-love (to give or receive), and deep and valid and stronger-than-ever need for a sense of belonging. There’s nowhere else or better to be, for the vast majority of people, than in those places and in those conversations; expanding our capacity for love.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out, inquiring about the health and safety of myself and my family.
I am well and all of those around me are well, too. Thank you, especially, to all of the men and women still in uniforms of all kinds – from boots to latex gloves to lab coats. Your service and devotion to global relief is beyond inspiring. It’s profoundly motivating. These are trying times, for sure, but, as I say above, this dust will settle and the calm clarity that’ll follow in the wake will – certainly – be something to behold. Stay safe. Stay grounded.
Stay well.
This post first appeared on Facebook.